advanced recreational trimix - malta may 2010

"...if lost, please safely return to huggins"

it all started with a photo...  the hms stubborn in malta at 60m. to that point the idea of going deep had never really interested me, but the view of a perfectly formed submarine in crystal waters with huge photographic potential was finally enough to tip me over to the dark side and follow the founding fathers (fyfe, raman and o'brien to name but a few).

paul toomer was the obvious instructor of choice, and while dining at the bite back ball, toomer was auctioning off for charity an advanced recreational trimix course.  a wodge of cash later i was almost ready to dive... but l needed the right buddy for the adventure.

from a lot of initial interest, the only soul brave enough to join (dive) with me on the quest was chris gruen (aka herr faff), a curious breed with german sensibilities, and a very strange sense of humour.  flights were booked, accomodation reserved, excess baggage arranged and the elusive mr t nailed down for dates and extra diving.

heathrow terminal 4 was the first challenge of the trip, and despite being down as mrs adams(?) and chris losing a v-weight at security (despite me getting through with one), we were off.  flight was dead easy and a very swift taxi ride later we were at our hotel.  after a brief unpack, we strode into the hotel bar and realised that we'd lowered the average age by 25 years - club 18-30 this was definately not!

after lot of sleep we ventured out to check the surroundings.  very nice but as summer wasn't in full swing yet, there was an awful lot of building work and lots of cranes.  we swifly located divewise, met the very organised viv and planned an afternoon shakedown dive.  the usual kit explosion took off and having been on a recent gue fundies course, chris was very quickly showing off his halcyon kit with minimal dangly bits (a long way from original herr faff territory).  his realisation that divewise had v-weights and that he didn't have to bring (or lose) them tempered his gue smugness slightly.  having never dived in malta before i was pleasantly surprised in the water at the viz (excellent) and it wasn't too cold (but definately dry suit water temp... and hood... and gloves - i like to be warm). i wrote a small novel on my wetnotes of all the kit changes i needed to make to improve comfort, but was quite happy with the shake down.

the evening then proceeded with good food (even a salad!) and chilled conversation before we ventured into the hotspot of town and came across huggins.  for those who don't know, huggins is the centre of all post dive related shenanigans in the area and we just happened to arrive and be introduced to the rest of the team for the week (totally unaware of the influence these 3 would have on the weeks events!)

• will - a softly spoken engineer who had discovered the secret of ever lasting youth...

• amelia - a fiesty aussie lawyer with a never ending desire for a decent ceasar salad

• aileen - who's small physique belied an impressive ability to set the pace when it came to post dive refreshment

day one of the course started with a review of what we'd achieve over the 4 days, and kit analysis.  needless to say the kit explosion from the previous day became a kit implosion as unneccesary buckles, widgets, bits, extenders, clips and reel line were abandoned with the aim of improved streamlining. following a brief lunch at huggins (running theme developing here), we returned and jumped into the water to check our new kit set up.  a successful dive was conducted and the team celebrated with a return to huggins, where chris decided to annouce his desire to "not be your bitch" and a g&t manifold system was developed.

day two started loudly as we realised monday meant that the builders were out in force - and they started early... 6.45am early!  we headed down to divewise where mr toomer briefed us all on our first training dive - the skill circuit, with the complication of using our stages for the first time.  everyone took to the stages differently and we then proceeded to spend nearly 2 hours underwater doing everything from shutdowns to the blind and out of gas crawl (sounds worse than it was).  highlights included a squid scaring the beejesus out of amelia when putting her stage down, my air transmitter crapping out and having to be repaired mid dive due to shutdowns (a 5 min surface interval) and the realisation that 110 mins is a long time if you're bursting for the loo.  if you're doing this dive in the future - remember to pee before you zip!  after some classroom theory the day ended with a very agreeable curry and then some late night huggins fun (not too late though!)

day three continued the noisy wake up theme and bleary eyed we set up kit ready for a real open water dive at "chikawawa" bay (it sounded like that anyways), pvt took us through kit matching and setting everything up and we then performed a very nice (almost textbook) dive dropping in on a tug at 30m and then ascending with safety stops and a gas "switch".  all very satisfying.  the word switch took on a whole new meaning for the week and the corresponding hand signal was misappropriated for any "change" (i.e. i'm going to "switch" from lager to g&t).

chris managed to rip his neck seal upon dekitting, but like the efficient german he is, had already adopted a replaceable neck seal system and was swiftly changed over (not before some amusing photos - penis hat anyone?). a windy surface interval was had with some debriefing before a 2nd dive and more fun underwater.  overall a fantastic day enlivened by lots of discussions revolving around very non-pc german jokes (chris was showing his love for "the producers" and it's hit song - springtime for hitler!) and pvt demonstrating a style of driving that would be politely be called aggressive... the day was finished off with a superb steak, and a glass or two of vino (not at huggins... amazingly!)

day four prooved to be a long and frustrating one.  we'd planned to go to gozo for our qualifying dives, but it was apparent that gozo was not going to co-operate as the wind had picked up and we couldn't find anywhere to dive.  5 hours trapped in car with a crazy german, a manic driver/instructor and limited suspension left everyone a bit tired and out of it, frustrated for a days driving and not being able to complete the course.  this left will, amelia and aileen in a quandry and they were due to fly back the next day.  will decided to complete his course the following week (he was back for the next level), but the girls managed to blag an extra days holiday and we celebrated will's last day with a nice chinese meal.

bidding will a farewell in the morning as he packed up his kit, we decided to give gozo a second try and rolled over to the ferry for a 2nd time... where it was evident that the sea and wind were going to play ball... yay!  we parked up at "the wrecks" another set of purpose sunk boats for divers and went through kitting up and looked forward to finally getting some trimix in our bodies.  a fantastic days diving was had - 2 dives down to 42m, lovely wrecks, great weather and when my computer got lost when jumping in, it was found easily... all round top day (although the girls may argue that the changing room and toilet facilities weren't up to much...)

after completing the course, we obviously had to celebrate, and we did it with style and panache.  it's strange feeling watching the election results come through on an outdoor screen, having just lost count of the jagerbombs that had been consumed and being involved in a deep discussion about photography and doing it all and well past 4am, but that's where the evening ended up... on the way we covered aileen's view of what construes an innocent kiss, repeatedly sang "we buy any car... we buy any car" and answered the question how many people could sit on amelia (4), all fueled by pvt's insistence that we never be without alcohol.  it was a long but very very fun night!

needless to say, friday wasn't the most active of days.  unfortunately it didn't start well when the drills started up at 7am - i'm sure they'd turned the volume up (but there is a chance i might have been a little more sensitive!) so we convalesced at the dive centre awaiting any sign from the toomer camp.  eventually a text arrived - "we're dying... how are you?", and finally pvt (and a very worse for wear stuart) arrived and we headed off to the faroud for our first dives as qualified art divers.  a very slick dive was conducted, hitting all the stops, with aileen demonstrated her ability to forget to gas switch again (highlights included a john dory, a swim through the rudder and some nice shoals on our return to the harbour).  we returned via spinola bay and a quick tour of the new matrix facilities - pvt's plans for global domination continue!

after another day's diving and the previous nights escapades, a quiet evening was had - unfortunately a distinctly average dinner (and a very non-caesar salad caesar salad), left us all a little grumpy (on top of the tiredness) and we called it a night.

Malta on a good day... and a not so good day...

after the euphoria of the course and our first qualifying dive, we wandered in to the dive centre saturday and were told that the wind was up again and there was little chance to dive.  it was a pity as we were all keen for a dive on our last permitted day, but the gods conspired against us.  we were left with a day of huggins, washing and packing of kit.  to break the boredom, aileen, chris and myself headed down to the sea front, and unfortunately ended up getting drenched as we underestimated the waves. 

aileen lost a flip flop in the surge and we all had to get changed and dry off (entertaining nonetheless).  we then proceeded to a very nice evenings meal and retired for our last night of huggins fun.  another late night ensued (surprise!), but we managed to get in before the sun rose!

last days on dive trips are always a bit depressing, especially as the kit was packed away. so we consoled ourselves with the a.r.t. exam (not a good idea if you're feeling a bit out of it) and a final huggins breakfast.  highlight of the day was a quick stroll to the seafront and the amazing realisation that aileen's missing flip flop was sitting in the middle of the confined water area!  a quick dip from sarah retrieved and put a big smile on aileen's face.

all that was left was a roll over to the airport, the usual baggage shenanigans, and an uneventful flight back to blighty...  it was all done.

many thanks to masses of people for an amazing week, including our tireless leader paul, the guys at divewise (viv, nev, sarah), the staff at huggins (more energy then we had!), but biggest thanks go to will, aileen, amelia and chris for a fantastic week both in and out of the water.

"we dive anything... we dive anything... any wreck, any reef, any depth, any mix... we dive anything... we dive anything..."